TRUST

Trust. A very fragile word. When it gets broken, one may not be able to mend it. Or it could be mended but it would leave marks that will stay forever.

Among the billions of people on earth, how many really value the true meaning of trust? Within a family, how much do the members trust each other? How about between friends, relatives, colleagues, acquiantances, or even the people in the street who just know each other by face? How about you? How much trust can you trust others?

Lucky are those who earn other people's trust; they can be confided to or seek advice from and are always a good friend and confidant. Pity are those who cannot be trusted; they can be friendly to everyone but can never be everyone's friend. And most of the time, they end up spreading unverified words and keep digging for the truth for they don't deserve to have it first-hand.

Some say trust is something that should be earned in time. But others argue that it should be given first until the person is proven not worth it. Whichever is which, trust is always one of the most important aspects of any kind of relationship. It involves honesty, truth, believing, understanding and expectations among other things. When trust is broken, it results to frustrations and disappointments. To regain it is subject to one's acceptance and forgiveness, but is doubtfully bound to be so as people usually learn their lesson fast enough.

It is therefore important that before one expects others to be trust-worthy, he/she should be one himself/herself.

The Record

"I just want u to know what i know before i dont know it anymore." -Dexter

I was scrolling my notes earlier when i found this among the quotes that I have saved. This line is from my favorite series Dexter. I can't remember exactly whose line it is, but it somehow occurred to me that it is also particularly applicable to blogging. It's the advantage that blogging brings to us, bloggers. We can write down our thoughts before we forget them. Then, read them again in future and be amazed of what was running into our head when we were writing them. It's an awesome feeling actually. I normally read my blog posts whenever I feel like it and I still get the same mixed emotion everytime, especially the ones that I kept private and confidential.

I usually say I refuse to use all my brain cells because I'm saving some for old age, if I live that long. So I only absorb the most important things that happen everyday. But here comes the blog! Blog as my backup memory. It is a very useful means of storage and reminder, if we only write all the details. We may forget the people in our past, the feelings from our past, and the events of the past. But our blog will come in handy to remind and bring us to the past. How nice is that!

So keep blogging! Good night! :)

Carpe Diem

Do you have that moment when you feel all too weak and useless? Or that moment when you think you could have done better with your life or in everything? But then thinking too hard, you just couldn't because there are limitations. It could be a limit due to social norms, limit of resources, limit of talent, or the lack of "willingness" to do. How lethargic it can be at times. Leaving you wondering if it would even be possible to maintain the momentum of happiness and motivational balance that you pull through intrinsically or extrinsically. But would intrinsic factor be enough or extrinsic for that matter to keep you going? Or do you have to have a blend of both?

I always question life's complications. But i guess that is what makes life a LIFE. Nothing is easy, nothing is simple and sometimes nothing is what it seems. You laugh at one moment, then cry next. Happy at one point, then sorrowful next. You are on top now, and down later. You think you have everything, and realized you have nothing. Ironies of all ironies can happen. That is life. The laments, the rants, the pleas, the indifference, and most importantly the contentment and gratefulness. In short, pessimism and optimism. All these elements can make or break your way of life. You got to choose. You have to know. Know yourself and what you want. Only then and by then that you will understand the kind of life you want to lead. So think and act fast while enjoying every moment. Life is too short to realize it's too late. Carpe Diem!

The Voice of Kalachuchi

Background: I posted this on the 19th of March 2009, a year after I left my province to come to Sg. This was the time when I and my University classmates/friends had a weekly blog challenge. We specifically picked anything about flowers as the subject for this particular week's blog. So let me share my post 4 years back.

...we’ll delve into the inner sentiment of a not-so-famous flower. We’ll see how, as human, can we relate to its feelings. The narration being used is in a “first person” point of view...

"I envy the Gumamela for it is tucked by girls behind their ears to look prettier. It is also used by old folks to wash up the face of their young girls when the latter reach their first period of puberty, for it is believed that Gumamela would help prevent girls from getting pimples and other skin impurities. Indeed, Gumamela represents beauty. I envy the Bougainvilla for it is often planted in the garden and can dance freely in the lawn. When in full bloom, it looks so attractive and kids like to play with its flowers. I even envy the cactus. Though it’s not a beauty so to speak, yet it is expensive and is among the collections of the flower lovers. But most of all, I am jealous of the Rose for people use it as a present to love ones during special occasions or even during ordinary days. It undeniably symbolizes love and is always the favourite among the flowers.

Why do I envy these flowers? Because they are significant and have their own importance. They are valued by people. They are loved and taken cared of. When they are dry, people water them and cultivate their soil. When they are about to give up, people try to revive them. When they don’t bear flowers, a medicine is being sprayed on them. But all these I’ve never experienced. I don’t even know where I came from. I sprouted from nowhere and tried to survive on my own. I don’t see any reason why I need to battle life for years now. I am never noteworthy. When the rain pours and thunderstorm strikes, nobody shields me. When the sun is too hot and my roots are too dry, nobody waters me. I am always alone and no other flower to talk to. What more, I was not even given a beautiful name. I am just Kalachuchi."

Distorted

Everyday is an extraordinary day. You may be doing the same things over and over again and find them routinary, boring, monotonous and trivial. But when you take a little step back and examine what went on and what you have done, you'll be surprised to see that you have actually accomplished a few little but important things. It takes a little while sometimes to realize that you are something (or someone) of significance - that you are needed, valued and important. Maybe not to everyone, but to a few who are close and dear to you - like your friends and family. So even if life is being hard on you at times, you try to pull out all the intrinsic motivation that you can find in order to get by. That's life anyway - hard and complicated.

Speaking of life and complications! What makes life complicated I think is the insatiable nature of man, especially for worldly things. I come to wonder what value do the material things have to offer when we all fade one day anyway. Why can't people settle for enough. (I am not saying less. I am saying enough.) Why do they have to accomplish something to prove themselves worthy and capable. Why do they have to compete with one another. Why and what gives! All these are somewhat disturbing and scary to me. There were times when i even questioned my too simple and plain philosophy. I questioned even my acts and what i get into. I questioned whether it's really all that i want, or whether I'm on the right track. I plan and i do backup plans. But even the latter, I challenge the justification of having thought the idea (whatever it is i cannot disclose).

The way i think could be that my background is different. That i was raised in a very laidback and conservative environment. So when i get exposed to a more advanced and competitive society, i can't help to wonder what everyone's purpose in life is. Of course, I am not questioning how they want to lead their life. That's up to them to live anyway. It's just out of curiosity and amazement that we all came to this world the same way and will all leave this world in our own time, yet we all do not share the same philosophy and purpose in life. I guess i should question God's gift of absolute freedom, which makes the world as it is today - chaotic, out of order. But is our freedom really absolute? Because i think nothing in this world is absolute, absolutely nothing, but the beginning and the end.

Lost and Found!

Whew!!!! It's been ages since i last posted something here. And i have totally forgotten this blog. Like seriously i never thought i have written all those stuffs. Had it not been to my curiosity of searching my name in the internet, i wouldn't be able to find this. And i must say it's a good find!

While reading through all my posts, i couldn't help but grin, laugh, or even be surprised and embarrassed from the opinions that i have expressed, and to the missing or mispelled words that i didn't bother to check at that time. They really show the real me - very straightforward and do not do proofreading. (In Singlish "Anyhow whack and say!") :p

Well, I think i will start to share again here all that's in my mind, which some i have managed to scribble (bits of pieces of it) in my phone's Notes. This means that I have to find some time to write down coherently my scattered thoughts, which is honestly harder than picking up grains in a bed of sands. Hah!

Good luck to me!

Chaos

The world is in chaos and so is my mind. I've been bored and idling at work these past few months which made a big room for random thoughts to occur to me. There were times when I thought of going back to school or planned for some good financial investment. I was even tempted to check and join the stock market, had I not known it to be a form of gambling which my religion does not warrant to. If my friends would only hear me, they would think I am such a big time for thinking of such investments and stuffs. The truth is I don't really have a handsome monetary fund but I am willing to risk my last penny just to have something to invest my time into. In any case, it would also be of benefit to me whether I go back to studying or invest my money into some form of business. Whichever it is, I am sure I'm gonna be doing one of those plans.

In the meantime, I'll have to get some documents done so I would be ready any time for anything that I'd like to venture into. First is to renew my passport. Next thing is to open a Philippine bank account. And lastly is to print and fill up a few forms to start an application. I am praying big time for any of the two. :))