Distorted

Everyday is an extraordinary day. You may be doing the same things over and over again and find them routinary, boring, monotonous and trivial. But when you take a little step back and examine what went on and what you have done, you'll be surprised to see that you have actually accomplished a few little but important things. It takes a little while sometimes to realize that you are something (or someone) of significance - that you are needed, valued and important. Maybe not to everyone, but to a few who are close and dear to you - like your friends and family. So even if life is being hard on you at times, you try to pull out all the intrinsic motivation that you can find in order to get by. That's life anyway - hard and complicated.

Speaking of life and complications! What makes life complicated I think is the insatiable nature of man, especially for worldly things. I come to wonder what value do the material things have to offer when we all fade one day anyway. Why can't people settle for enough. (I am not saying less. I am saying enough.) Why do they have to accomplish something to prove themselves worthy and capable. Why do they have to compete with one another. Why and what gives! All these are somewhat disturbing and scary to me. There were times when i even questioned my too simple and plain philosophy. I questioned even my acts and what i get into. I questioned whether it's really all that i want, or whether I'm on the right track. I plan and i do backup plans. But even the latter, I challenge the justification of having thought the idea (whatever it is i cannot disclose).

The way i think could be that my background is different. That i was raised in a very laidback and conservative environment. So when i get exposed to a more advanced and competitive society, i can't help to wonder what everyone's purpose in life is. Of course, I am not questioning how they want to lead their life. That's up to them to live anyway. It's just out of curiosity and amazement that we all came to this world the same way and will all leave this world in our own time, yet we all do not share the same philosophy and purpose in life. I guess i should question God's gift of absolute freedom, which makes the world as it is today - chaotic, out of order. But is our freedom really absolute? Because i think nothing in this world is absolute, absolutely nothing, but the beginning and the end.